Episode #7!

Erin returns from Las Vegas! Can animals kill themselves? Alice In Chains or Wolf Eyes? Conspiracy theories!

This week’s “Would You Rather” questions:

– Die in a desolate ocean by shark, or die in a swamp by croc?
– Have the collar bones of a significant other broken once a year, or have all of the music you hear sound like Alice In Chains?
– Spend 10 minutes on the moon, or spend a year in Europe with a $2000 a month stipend?
– Sleep with a married co-worker, but no one at your job believes it. Or, be accused of stealing hundreds of dollars in office supplies, and everyone at your job believes it?

This week’s tunes:

The Sandwiches – “Back To The Sea”
Glass Ghost – “Like A Diamond”
Odawas – “Harmless Lovers’ Discourse”

And here’s Erin with Chumlee:


  1. I’ve been to Vegas once and I thought it was kind of boring. But that is probably because I am very cheap and don’t like to risk my money on gambling. I get so stressed out because I could just keep that 20 dollars instead of give it to some strangers and I have to force myself to do so. Plus, we couldn’t afford going to the shows. Also, I got hit on by a gay prostitute who was super creepy.

  2. yea, vegas didn’t seem that scandalous to me. although i did see many people who were probably headed someplace scandalous, so who’s to say really. it is another mystery of the world.

  3. On the whole, I’d rather be in Hawaii.

  4. Would you rather have to see Donald Rumsfeld’s face instead of your own whenever you looked in the mirror or constantly be dispensing paprika, leaving trails and piles of it everywhere you go?

  5. i would dispense paprika. i recall there being some sort of delicious polish soup with potatoes and paprika in it. maybe everyone near to me can collect my paprika and make it. and i could still carry on my life rather normally i think, whereas if i looked like donald rumsfeld i would never leave my house again. it would be very sad.

  6. You don’t look like Donald Rumself. No one else sees this. It’s just that you can only see Donald Rumsfeld when you look in the mirror.

    Paprika is delicious, but think about how pissed your friends might start getting at you.

    “Erin came over last night.”

    “Oh, the paprika thing, hey?”

    “Yeah. I tried to hint that she shouldn’t sit on our new, white couch. But she did anyway. Paprika won’t wash out of anything. At first, it was kind of cool. You know, free paprika. But, really, how much does paprika cost?”

  7. erin, i dreamed last night that i was hanging out with you guys and talking about true crime. i also came up with a true crime themed “would you rather.” i’m not sure if it’s a good one since it was in a dream. it’s more of a moral question than an interesting hypothetical i guess. but i’m actually curious about your answer: would you rather all the true crime cases have grizzly, exciting outcomes, or pleasant but boring outcomes?

  8. hey d.t., true friends should respect me and my paprika, although the donald rumsfeld thing is more appealing now.

    which would you pick?

  9. laura, i typically prefer grizzly and exciting outcomes. i know that that is kind of awful but i have always been pretty upfront about how fascinating it is when totally insane crime things happen. that being said, there are a few particular cases that i cannot read about because they are just too awful and impact me in the kind of way that i can’t just enjoy my spectator status.

    ok, so to you: would you rather be chased by an F5 tornado or a pack of hungry zombies?

  10. I’ve come down on the paprika side of things. Like you said, my real friends would understand it as a disability. It might put them out a bit, but they’d accommodate me.

    Plus, I’m too pretty never to see my face again.

  11. Erin, I love Pawn Stars and I love Supermarket Sweep. We should’ve watched more TV together when we were secretly dating.

    Also, my favorite part about the first would-you-rather, is imagining my family singing “Happy Birthday” to me, and it sounding like Alice In Chains.

  12. This was on RadioLab and it may be something that happened on the show M.A.S.H: Scenario: You are hiding with a bunch of villagers in a town that is being pillaged by invading soldiers. If the soldiers find you, it is very likely they will murder you all. You are holding your baby. The baby is starting to fuss and will soon start to cry. If your baby cries, the soldiers will find you and your fellow villagers – ultimately risking everyone’s lives. Do you smother your baby – killing your only child with your bare hands, or do you let your baby cry – risking not only your baby’s life but your own, and those of the entire villager community?? ETHICAL DILEMMA!

  13. oh man jenna, that is like the ultimate would-you-rather. after much consideration i would have to let the baby cry. it kind of comes down to accepting your fate, and believing that whatever happens in life is meant to happen. but you can bet that i would be sitting there thinking DONT CRY DONT CRY.

    what would you do?

    and for the record, zach also chose to let the baby cry.

  14. zach n,

    what do you mean “when” we were secretly dating?

  15. Mr. Garrison Sr.: Alright. Would you have sex with your son to save his life? [the others ponder the question]
    Patron 2: Oh, this is one of them Scruples questions, ain’t it?
    Patron 1: No, no, I got a better one: Would you have sex with your mother to save your father’s life?
    Patrons: [wondering] Wooo, yeah.
    Patron 2: Oh, like if someone had a gun to your father’s head and said, “Have sex with your mother or else I’ll shoot him”?
    Patron 1: Yeah.
    Patron 2: Oh, that’s a tough one.
    Patron 3: Hmmm.
    Mr. Garrison Sr.: No no wait, uh, you don’t understand.
    Blond: How about if someone made you have sex with your mother and father to save your own life?
    Patrons: No, no, no way. No.
    Patron 6: But if it was to save my mother’s life, uh-I think I would have to have sex with my father.
    Patron 7: Yeup.
    Patron 8: Me, too.
    Patron 9: Well, I think that goes without saying.
    Mr. Garrison Sr.: Well actually, I’m just… talking about a son.
    Patron 8: Well, personally, I would have sex with my son to save to save my mother’s life. It depends, uh- how big a gun are we talkin’ here?
    Mr. Garrison Sr.: Uh, he doesn’t have a gun.
    Blond: The father doesn’t have a gun?
    Mr. Garrison Sr.: No! Nobody’s got a gun!
    Patron 3: I think if someone said, “Have sex with your mother or else I’m gonna kill your son,” but he didn’t have a gun, I wouldn’t do it.
    Patron 2: He could have a knife, though.
    Patron 1: Yeah.
    Patron 3: Sure.
    Patron 1: Yeah, a knife.
    Bartender: If a killer put a knife to my throat, and said, “Have sex with your father or else I’m gonna kill your mother while having sex with you,” I would have sex with myself.

  16. i think i would pick tornado!

  17. Erin,

    What do mean “”when”” when?

  18. Geek Squad shout out! My boss told me that Pogo (always referred to as “my Pogo,” much like “the Google”) is “A gaming site loved by hillbillies.” I had no idea it was also the social networking application of choice for fucked up, multi-dimensional love-/deception-pentagons.

    The would-you-rathers always remind me of a long-running debate I had with a few friends in college: Which would be more dangerous: 1,000 chimpanzees released on campus or 1,000 crocodiles released on campus? To make it more thematically compatible, which would you rather have released on your campus / in your place of work / neighborhood?

  19. Whoops, wrong episode!